A Hurt or A Blessing in Disguise

It's hard to tell which one it was that slapped me in the face tonight. Sometimes we tend to let our feelings take over and we're hurt and then after we think the situation through, which I still have not completely accomplished, we realize that it was really a blessing in disguise. I'm still not sure. Here's the story.
Years ago I took in a young woman who was in desperate need of help and during the time she was with me, we formed a bond and I came to love her as one of my own children. She's had a very hard life. The past twelve years have not gotten any better for her either. She's one of those people who, no matter how hard she tries, keeps making bad decisions. She's an unmarried mother of three. More than once I've tried to tell her that she needs to make better choices but she's one of those people who acts before she thinks. Thus, the three kids. She's had no guidance, her parents have turned their backs on her and refuse to help her. In all honesty, she is the way she is because of them. Affluent people who are more concerned with what people think instead of ignoring outsiders and doing the right thing. These people even claim to be those big Christians but in reality would not know what Jesus would do if He had written them a manual.


As I said, she's had a really hard time of it and it's lasted for twelve years. But no matter what has happened to her, no matter how hard things have gotten, she's always put her children first and done the best she could for them. Yes, she's been guilty of making some really bad decisions but, I believe that's because she honestly did not know any better. She is working very hard to better herself and to make a better life for her kids. She's going to school to be a nurse and vows to one day be able to give her kids the life they deserve. And when it comes to those kids, she has never shirked her responsibility. No matter how hard things have gotten, she's kept her kids together when many other women would have given them up. But that's not in her nature.


She called me earlier tonight and I know it was hard for her. She was in desperate need of help. Due to circumstances beyond her control, she's been living in a shelter with her kids and she's even made the best of it. She told me that the shelter had told her that she had to leave by tomorrow. It's not because of something she has done, but rather because of another resident who just does not like her and has manipulated things to make this young woman look bad. So, tomorrow the shelter is putting her in the street along with her three children. She needs a place to stay for about a month, possibly only two weeks. She asked me if she could come and stay here.


The problem is I am not living in my own home. I share someone else's home, so it was not my decision to make. But I went to my roommate, who normally has a heart of gold. After talking to her and asking her if I could allow this woman and her children to stay here she point blank told me no. Oh, she tried to get out of it gracefully so she wouldn't look like a complete jerk and came up with several reasons why she could not come. I even made it easy on her by telling her that I was wrong to even ask her. But I honestly believed in my heart that she would allow it. Didn't happen. I was devastated. It reduced me to tears. The last thing I wanted to do was to tell this woman, whom I have come to love as my own child, that I could not help her. But that's what I had to do. My feelings now are part anger and part hurt. I've been told in the eight years I have lived here that this is my home, too. But in reality it's not. And I realized that tonight when I didn't hear those words, "This is your home too." It broke my heart to have to tell this woman no, that she and her children were going to have to go to the street tomorrow. I'm really in shock that it turned out this was. I just never dreamed that my roommate would turn three kids out in the street. I've always known her to be the most caring person in the world. But not this time. And I am angry with her because of it. I can't stand the thought of them living in the street. It makes me angry that I can't help her. It makes me very angry. But here's the twist. Apparently my roommate heard me crying while I was telling this woman that she could not come here and that she (the roommate) was the heavy. Did she expect me to say that I didn't want her here? And now she is angry with me! Well, she seems  angry with me. I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt.


I understand that it's an inconvenience to have other people in your house. I do get that. But when a person needs help, the right thing to do is to help them. My roommate has always said that when you do a good deed it comes back to you. Apparently, she does not really believe what she preaches. I am in shock. This is not the person I know. And I can't figure out her reasons for denying me this request. The excuses she gave me didn't hold water and I even think she knew that at the time.


Now, I can't sleep. I feel like I heel. I am worried about what she is going to do when tomorrow comes and she has to be out of this shelter and has no place to go. But the roommate? She's sleeping soundly and peacefully. WHO IS THIS WOMAN? How has she fooled me for either years?


So, is this a real hurt or in the end is it a blessing in disguise? I know that having 4 extra people in the house for a month would be hard but aren't we supposed to sacrifice for our fellow man? Isn't this the very thing that Jesus, Himself would want from us? The roommate is real big on saying what it is that Jesus wants from us. Apparently, talk is cheap. I can't help but think any other way. And at this moment I don't even want to talk to her. I am angry, I am hurt. And I don't know what to do with it.


I guess time will either heal or destroy this relationship. The only thing I can do at this point is wait and see what happens...with my almost child and with my roommate.


I just had to put this on paper. And later I can come back and answer that question, too. I know that I did what I thought was the right thing to do, without throwing a fit and making my roommate feel like a heel. I probably could have forced her into doing what I wanted, but that would have ended in disaster. I just pray that it's not this young woman who ends up in a disaster.

Bringing it all up to Date

For the record, it's been a long time since I have written to any one of my blogs. That being said, I have also decided to finally put all of my blog posts together in one blog and I've decided that it's going to be here that I put them. So from here on out, I believe this will be my only blog. It's time that I made things easier on myself and I've also outgrown that need I had to have a blog on every site that offered one. And apparently, this is my favorite blog site since I have chosen to use this one. Could be it's my favorite because this was my first blog, or it could be because I like the name of this one the best, or it could even be because this one seems to be the easiest for me to get to. I don't know and it's not really important anyway. It's just all going to be here from now on. When I get it all moved over here is another story. I have no idea. It will happen when it happens.
A whole LOT of stuff has happened in my life since I have written last and I'll get that caught up, too. One of the reasons that I have a blog is to keep track of what's going on in my life and the things that have occurred. I also write about my thoughts and my feelings, and what it's like to live with arachnoiditis. Once of my blogs, on another site, is called "Disabled and Bitchin' About It." For a long time that was my favorite site for several reasons but some months back somebody over there (it's on Mo'Time) got the bright idea to change things around and give it a new web address in the process. I hate it now. Everything is written in Spanish, I think, or some foreign language and it's damn near impossible for me to even get to it. So. I'm dumping it...if I can ever get back to it, that is. I would like to save the posts that I have over there, too. Hopefully, I'll be able to do that. Another thing that I like to write about a lot is my opinions on what is going on in the world. God knows I have a lot of opinions and I love to express them, too.  So, from now on, I'll be expressing my opinions here, in "Life Lessons...." In fact, opinions are what has brought me here tonight. There's some stuff going on in the news that's got to bitch, so here i am. If you're reading, sit back, get comfortable and have a listen. And if you'd rather not, you know how to navigate away from this site.

How about if the first opinion I express is my happiness, no...pure elation at the BAM-JAM AWESOME season my boys down in the Bayou are having this year! I am so proud to be able to say that my New Orleans Saints are on the biggest winning streak the city has ever seen and are, at this very moment a 6-0 team!! They are getting ready to play this coming Monday Night in the Dome, hosting the Atlanta Falcons, so I predict there will be some BIG TIME bird cooking going on down south. Oh yeah, I am a happy, happy woman. And it's not luck. Nope, luck has nothing to do with it. It's skill, pure and simple. They are outplaying every team they have met so far this season and are finally getting some respect from the National Football League and the rest of the sports world. Yeah, I am a proud and happy woman. I hope they are able to keep up this awesome record and if so, who knows? Maybe, just maybe all of us loyal fans, who have been hanging in there with them since the franchise began in 1967 will finally get what we all so richly deserve. This team has all the makings of a Super Bowl winning team at the moment and if they are able to continue playing at the level they are now, they will most definitely go on to be a SUPER BOWL WINNING TEAM come early 2010. Oh how sweet it would be!
Moving on, I got my panties all in a wad this evening when I was watching television. I was watching The Joy Behar show and she started talking about and showing clips of Levi Johnson, this snot nosed kid who fathered Sarah Palin's  illegitimate grandson, run his mouth spreading lies and gossip about the former Vice Presidential Candidate. I cannot for the life of me understand why the news shows and the New Magazine's are wasting time giving this kid any credibility at all. Well, wait a minute, I can understand why they are doing it. It's for the controversy factor. It's to help him spread his gossip. But I am here to say that it is irresponsible on the part of the adults who run these shows, to be paying one second's worth of attention to this kid who is doing nothing but running his mouth because his 15 minutes of fame are worth more to him than any future relationship with his son that he may have.
The only thing I can figure, and granted, I am only speculating here because I have no way of knowing the real story,  he is upset with the Palin family because during the Presidential campaign he was asked to put on a suit and a tie and to act like a responsible young man who was planning on doing the RIGHT thing by the young woman that he irresponsibly made a baby with. The idea that no one in the campaign wanted to give the impression that the candidate's daughter was stupid enough to get mixed up with a complete idiot, so they asked him to clean up his act. And because he didn't like that idea he has chosen to try and get his 15 minutes of fame by going on any television program who will have him and spreading a lot of lies and a lot of made up stories about the candidate and her family. It's obvious that the people who are listening to him are the same people who were terrified that the Republican's just might get into office because any one with any sense is not listening to this fool. It makes me so angry that this stupid kid is more interested in telling half-truths and more than likely out right lies than he is in protecting any relationship he may have with his child.  Have you HEARD what this fool is spouting? It is beyond ridiculous and  it makes me nuts! The boy is too stupid to realize that he is talking about his child's grandmother. How does he think this kid is going to feel about him when he is old enough to hear the things his father has said about his grandmother? Doesn't this little fool realize that the most important person in this mix should be his SON; a son that he has obviously chosen to turn his back on. (Again, I don't know that as a fact, I am simply making a common sense judgment).  It would seem that  if this child were important to him he would be doing more to make sure that this little boy grew up in a happy, healthy tension- free environment and not one of arguments,  and public arguments, at that.  Can you just imagine the tension this child is going to be subjected to when his parents and God forbid, his Grandparents have to all be in the same room together? And the flip side of that is that the child will NEVER be able to experience any part of his life where is mother and father are with him together. I mean I would hope that after the things this boy has said about her mother, that bristol would stay as far away from this fool as humanly possible. For that matter, what kind of an influence is this boy going to be on his son? Surely, he can't be a positive role model for  going on national television and spreading terrible gossip about the child's grandmother. Of course he is going to fill the kid's head with this same garbage. If I were Bristol I would not allow the fool within 10 miles of that baby! 
This boy's level of pure stupidity simply amazes me. Does he not have anyone is him life to shake him by the shoulders and force him to wake up and look at what he is doing to his child in the future? Is everyone around him more interested in spreading gossip and trying to do nothing but see how much they can hurt a person? Apparently, everyone around him is either as outright stupid as he is or else they are all just brain dead.Levi Johnson...what an outrageous fool! Add his name to the ever growing list of outrageous fools who are gracing the news these days. Only put his name at the very top of the list.
There are more things on my mind that I would like to bitch, moan and complain about, but in all truth, nobody cares. People really only want to hear the outrageous stuff, the things that would shock. You won;t get that here. You'll get my occasional rant, like you have just heard, but mostly, I hope, you'll get some positive, loving things that I have to say about the people in my life. There are many loving, good people in my life and I am blessed to have them. I am hoping to take a lot of time heaping the love and the praise that they so richly deserve on them. Yep, I am hoping to put a lot of that in here.
So, while I re-vamp my blog here, you, my adoring public (yeah, right! HA!) sit back and patiently wait. Surely something good will be coming down the pipe live very soon. Until then, I hope you are able to occupy yourselves with other, much better blogs on the internet (if that's your thing).
Honestly, I don't write to be read. really, I don't. I write only to fulfill my own need to enjoy this passion I have for writing. No, I'm not any good, as I am sure you have figured out by now. I write about as well as I sing...and for the unlucky few who have been unfortunate enough to hear me on karaoke night that can attest to that, I offer my sincere apologies. Just remember, no one is forcing you to read this garbage. But I certainly appreciate those of you who can suck it up long enough to put yourselves through it. You have my undying gratitude.
Oh, a very good thing happened to me very early this week and I am very happy about it. I was able, with the help of a very dear friend and with the help of Facebook, to begin to get re-acquainted with an old friend from high school. I could not be happier about that. I have thought about this woman many times over the past almost 35 years and I am looking so forward to catching up with her and to keeping in touch with her. In fact, I think that I am going to close this and go shoot off and e-mail to her, just to remind her that I am here, looking forward to catching up.
I'm happy that I got started on this. I've been wanting to sit and do a "blog post" for a long time now. And maybe now that I finally have, I will continue to post more often and will soon get all of the posts, from all my other blogs, all together here. Life will be a lot simpler for me then.
And for the typo's, please accept my sincerest apologies,
The Typo Queen!

Stallworth's 30 Day Sentence

What a horribly sad day when a man's life is not worth more than a 30 day jail sentence.

I completely understand the reaction that the majority of people are having to Dante' Stallworth's 30 day jail sentence for his guilty plea to driving drunk and killing a 59 year old man on his way home from work. So far, everything I have read has been expressions of shock, outrage, and down right anger at the judge and with Stallworth for this completely ridiculous sentence. I agree with every bit of the shock and outrage. However, I also believe that there is a point that some people are missing. Remember that the victim's family was not opposed to this sentence. In fact, I believe that they supported it. It was reported in the news that Stallworth made a monetary settlement with the victim's family. Yes, he bought his 30 day sentence, but at the same time this family allowed themselves to be bought. In fact, it is my opinion that they sold their loved one for whatever amount of money this settlement was; more than likely in the millions. How sad that a man's life can be bought and sold and it's perfectly legal.

One of the provisions of Mr. Stallworth's sentence was that he make a $2500 donation to MADD, Mother Against Drunk Driving, the organization that fiercely fight's lenient DUI convictions and pushes for stricter sentences and tougher laws. MADD had refused the donation. They feel, and in my opinion, rightfully so, that if they were to accept the money that they would be condoning this 30 day sentence, what the President of MADD called a "slap on the wrist." She explained that Florida, where the incident took place. I should also say that there were other parts of the sentence that were also reported. After Mr. Stallworth's 30 days in jail, he is under house arrest for two years, although he will be able to travel with his team, The Cleveland Browns, for games. He will have to undergo drug and alcohol testing and his driver's license is revoked for the rest of his life. After five years he will be able to apply for a provisional license, allowing him to drive to and from work. One other provision of his sentence that I read was that he must perform 1,000 hours of community service. And all of that, my friends equals one man's life. Not a bad trade off is it?

I think the moral of this story is that money really can buy anything.

Things I've Learned About Growing Older

It's been a long time since I have posted to any blog. In fact, it looks like I have sat out an entire year and this amazes me because blogging is something that I love doing so much. I guess maybe I have felt that I've not had much to say this past year, although I was pretty vocal about this past Presidential campaign.

I now have some new thoughts about growing older, since I find myself aging rapidly. Growing older is definitely not in the "Things I Want To Do This Summer" category. And I don't see this as anything I would recommend that you look forward to. However, it is inevitable. We can't help but grow older if we continue to live. growing older does have a few perks. With age a person cannot help but gain wisdom. The longer we inhabit this planet, the more we learn and with learning comes wisdom. One just naturally follows the other. Another good point about growing older is that most people afford you a certain amount of respect and hey, there's nothing wrong with that. But there are several things about growing older that just chap my butt and that's what I want to write about.

A Lesson I've Really Learned

Throughout most of my life I have heard the same things as the rest of us have about the in-equality between the sexes but it has never been more obvious to me until this year's presidential election. Like most of the rest of the country, I am not only extremely interested in the outcome of this election but I am passionate about the candidates and the issues. To be completely honest though, what I am truly passionate about is my pure hatred of the Democratic Nominee. It even scares me that I am able to feel that emotion and feel it so strongly about another human being. After all, no matter what my views are, Mr. Obama is still a human being and it does bother me that I am able to hate as passionately as I do. This guy scares the living crap out of me. I honestly believe that if he is elected president life as we know it here in the United States is going to be over. I do not trust one thing he says and even the sound of his voice grates on my nerves like fingernails on a blackboard. Okay, there! I have admitted it.