Lessons I've Learned

I have learned some of life's lessons recently and that's what I want to write about tonight.

The first leson I've learned is one that I should have already known. But I'm slow and it generally takes me a while before something important sinks in. Eventually, though, I usually get it. One thing that I have learned is that you really can't go home again. Nothing is as you remember it. Your family has moved on with their lives since you've left and they have learned to live without you on a daily basis. Your friends have also moved on and replaced you, if not in their hearts, but again, like your family, in their daily lives. These people won't make time for you. Not because they don't want to, but because they don't have the time; they have other people and other things that occupy their time. And, for the most part, you've probably grown in different directions. The things you once had in common are no longer as important to either of you. They have all learned to deal with you on an every now and then basis. And if you are counting on your family and old friends for you to have a life, then you really are in trouble. Where they once might have had a responsibility to be a part of your daily life--again, you've been replaced, so you might as well face it. They have new friends and new interests and they do not include you. They will all, no doubt, be glad to hear from you and will probably set aside time to get together with you, this is going to be nothing more, in most cases, than a one-shot deal. If you are determinded to stay in this used to be home of yours then you have to be willing to get up off of your butt and make a new life for yourself; one that is made up of new interests and new friends. Understand that it is never going to be like it was. And I learned all of this the hard way and it was an expensive lesson, which is how I've learned almost everything I have ever learned.

I've also learned some things about myself. At 53 years old, I'd say that it's about time I learned everything there is to know about myself, wouldn't you think? See the above comment about being a slow learner. The lesson I am referring to this time is that I start many, many things but finish few. In truth, I've probably always known this fact but either been in denial about it or have been trying to change it. I'd like to think that I have been working on changing it, but it's more believable to me that I have been in denial about it. And that's not the only personalitty trait that I have been in denail about. I have been hiding from the fact that I have an extremely addictive personality and that, in some areas, I am out of control. There is an urgency about fixing this one and I can't ignore or deny this one for much longer. I've allowed it to get out of hand way too often.

I'm also a huge procrastinator. I'll put a task that I don't want to face off time and time again. A certain amount of procrastination is okay for me, I think because it gives me a chance to think it through, which is also something that I rarely do; but I am talking about a horrible fault here. No one should put a task off so long that it never gets done or that you forget that you have it to do in the first place.

Another thing that I am guilty of is starting a chore, a craft project, or any kind of project and never following it through to completion. I have half-finished baby blankets, quilts, cross-stitch projects bead crafts, sewing projects, books I am in various stages of reading, courses I have begun studying and the list goes on and on. I can probably count the number of things that I have actually seem to completion, throughout my lifetime on one hand and have fingers left over.

And I am a horrible hoarder, pack rat, junk collector or whatever name you want to give it. I have more crap stored around this house either because it holds some kind of sentimental value, I think that I might have a need for it some day, or it's one of the above mentioned projects in various stages of completion. And everytime that I have decided that it's time to clean out some of the junk and actually follow through and get rid of some of it, it never fails that less than a week later I find that I need for some item that I have ditched. Examples of some of the crap I have saved are empty boxes, rocks, old Christmas and birthday cards, broken costume jewelery, games with peices missing, old cabinet knobs, and the list goes on endlessly. I even have a box containing some things of my mothers complete with a pair of her underware! I have more collections than anyone. Coffee cups from various places, angel statues, books, magazines (some dating back as many as fiftenn years), rocks, cookie jars, elephant statues, Santa Clauses, quilt squares, seashells, aprons, and again, the list is infinite. I discovered blogs on line a few years ago and since I've always enjoyed writing, I set one up; this one, in fact. Then I began another one on another site, and then another one, and another one. I think I have somewhere around 15 blogs at last count. That can't be normal, can i?

I often wonder what makes me the way that I am. Do I have that male mentality thing of "who ever dies with the most toys wins?" In my case it would be, "She who dies with the most crap wins." ANd I'd probably win too, but win what? A bunch of junk for my kids to have to clean up and throw out after I croak is what it looks like to me. And because of the number of blogs that I mentioned earlier, my offspring and their offspring will be stumbling over my words for generations to come. I've set myself up to be talked about as "this goof-ball great-great-great grandma" well into the 28th century!!

Now that I have listed all of these lessons I have learned it looks as if it is up to me to decide what I am to do about them. Gee, I wonder. I can do what I would like desperately like to do and what is also expected of me, I might add, and promise myself that I am well on the road to taking care of these things or I can tell the complete truth and say that I don't have any idea in hell what is going to happen with all of these faults.

I guess only time will tell what happens with all of this. But I think that I need for someone to wish me only the best of luck with this daunting task that lay before me.

And I thank you.