Friday, August 24, 2007

More Life Changes

B raxton and I moved back to New Orleans toward the end of June. We are living with Kristi and Brett. And although things were rocky in the beginning, now, I could not be happier. I know that Braxton has not been this happy since before Bud died. He is thriving. He is doing well in school, so far. He is finally getting to play football, like he has said he wanted to do for the last few years. I have had the opportunity to spend a few weeks with Cheryl and even Faye and I are reconnecting. It's been wonderful. The only problem that i have right now is Nancy. I feel so bad for her. I know that she is lonely and she says that she can understand that I needed to be with my family, however, everytime we talk she does her dead level best to make me feel like an even bigger jerk than what I feel. We were talking on the computer this morning and almost every other word she typed was about how worthless she is, how lonely she is, how miserable. Then she asked me if I realized that I had been gone for something like 12 weeks, 4 days 7 hours and 24 minutes....something like that, but my point is that she had it down to the minute. And the more i begged her to stop the more she kept it up and then would say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I said I was going ot stop. But she wouldn;t. So I finally had to go before I lost my mind. I want to talk to her but I can't do it when she is like that. She says she wants me to be happy yet she does whatever she can to make me feel guilty. I feel awful when I say things like I have to protect myself, but I have to. Mama tells me that I am supposed to be celebrating my happiness and that she is trying to manipulate me and make me feel bad. Mama is probably right, too. And I cannot let her do it to me. She is making me feel guilty for being happy. I can't talk about the kids because hse has some remark to make. I can't talk about being busy because she has some remark to make. There is nothing i can talk about that she does not have some answer designed to make me feel even worse than I already do.
And I have had ENOUGH! My life has been miserable for far too long. I have got to quit.

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