Tied of Life Sucking!

Living like this is getting very tiresome. No matter how hard we try each month, the money just willnot stretch from one check until the next. I am so tired of living broke that I cannot stand it any longer! There has got to be some way to make things work. I just don't know how. None of it seems very fair to me. I've been given this horrible disease by a freekin doctor, so I can't work. I've been made a widow and had everything taken from me by my husband's children. I have no home of my own, no car, no bank account and am expected to live on the pitance that the government says should be enough. I'd love to see any one of them try and raise a child on a thousand dollars a month. I dare any one of them to try it. OK so, I piss money away on cigarettes. My one vise, my one luxury. I don't go any place but to the doctor's office every three months. I have quit getting my haircut, I don't eat out. My pleasure comes from the internet, blogging and reading e-mails from my friends in my arach support group. I do not travel to see my children and grand children. I have no friends here. Basically, life pretty much sucks and for two weeks of every month I am scrapping pennies just to have a freekin cup of coffee! I've had it!
I have an Internet job that I know full well is going to screw up the few benefits that I do have, but what am I supposed to do? Trust me, this Internet gig does not pay a whole hell of a lot because I still can't make it from pay check to paycheck! The holidays are upon us and I don't know what the hell I amn going to do. I have a kid here who is expecting somethng under atree that I cannot afford to buy and I'm having trouble putting groceries on the damn table. But I am not supposed ot be angry either. I am 52 years old, broke and disabled and cannot take care of myself. Oh yeah, life is just toomuch fun for me. I am sick and tired of being angry and broke. I am sick and tired of hating life. I am sick and tired of feeling used and abused. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.

My daughters are coming today and I don;t have anything to feed them once they get here. I have to rely on my kid to buy Thanksgiving dinner. This makes me feel so good, let me tell you. Wonder why life sucks? Wonder why I don;t want to get dressed or even get off my ass for that matter?