Having all 4 of my kids together was the greatest thing that has happened for me since Rob's cleaned up his act. I have Kristi to thank for making this Thanksgiving perfect for me. She drove allthe way here, stopping to pick Kelle up along the way, footed the entire bill for everything while she was here, worked her butt off while she was here ans then drove back, taking Kelle back home as well. I enjoyed Jilly and Brett Jacob to the max, but especially Jill. Brett stayed pretty close to braxton the whole time he was here. Jilly was right with me, though, even helping in the kitlchen preparing dinner. She picked chicken off the bone, which amazed me the most that the job was not too gross for her. She washed dishes, doing a good job. She also learned how to use the potato peeler!
Kristi has done an awesome job with her kids. They were well behanved, well mannered and listened to what they were told. They did not argue nor did they fight among themselves, they were very loving toward one another. Kristi is very patient with them. She's a wonderful mom. I always knew she would be.
Kelle slept most of the time while she was here. The rest of the time she spent pretty close to Rob. Thos two....'nuff said.
Naturally, I cried when they left. I tried not too but there was no way I could help it. I was not near ready for them to leave. I have no idea when I will see them next. Each visit to me is seeming like it will be the last.
Being around them all reminds me what I am missing and how much I iave failed them all. I realize how useless I am, how miserable I am. I've turned into the very thing that I have always feared most; a life if sitting and stagnating, with no purpose; my daddy and Alan. I alway said that if I ever got like that for someone to please shoot me. I am them. I need Direction and Purpose. I need to be needed. I have allowed my disease to take over...again. I am becoming Arachnoiditis.
There is a huge lesson here--I just have to figure out what it is.
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